Poker great Doyle Brunson quotes this
aphorism in his May 12, 2009 blog referring to an episode of Celebrity
Apprentice where Annie Duke gets trumped by Joan Rivers. (Literally by
Donald, figuratively by Rivers.)
Ironically, Duke’s own brother,
Howard Lederer, is the professor in the book The Professor, the
Banker, and the Suicide King; the suicide king is the king of hearts,
who appears to be stabbing himself. (The “one-eyed king” is actually
the king of diamonds, but close enough.) I digress. Anyway, I’m saying
that knowledge is relative, so even a dim-witted man will glow among a
group of morons.
That’s why savvy poker players would
rather find a friendly Midwest Hold’em game than have to do battle for
every dollar with well-seasoned players in Laughlin or Vegas. Give
them a group of loose players looking for inside straights on the
river over the two-card ace, king or better tight fists. Don’t worry
about the Hansens, Harringtons, or Matusows of this world. They may be
playing against the best of the bests, but they usually get free entry
fees plus embarrassingly big endorsements. (Okay, so I wouldn’t be too
embarrassed to cash their stimulus checks.) In a nut shell, when it
comes to live poker, you’re looking for a table full of rookies
playing every card, every hand.
How about video poker? Just the
opposite. Back to the professor, Howard Lederer, who is quoted in a
George Will article as referring to video poker as “a game of chance
governed by a machine.” Completely incorrect, if he even made the
statement (Will could have misquoted Lederer). The game involves
short-term luck, like poker and every other casino wager, but the
long-term results are based on the game’s expected return (ER) and
your skill as a player.
No psychology involved here like in
table poker, but with video poker there are close to 2.6 million
possible combos on the deal and afterwards you must select the best of
32 hold options. That’s an amazing amount of data to digest before
selecting the computer-perfect hold. Last time I checked there were no
penalty card, condition of the remaining deck, or quirky card combo
issues in table poker. (That’s why it took me so many years to write
and improve my user-friendly strategy cards.) Both games require
skill, only they’re in different areas.
Nowadays good video poker plays, just
like knowledge, are relative, so even games with slightly negative
theoretical returns can and will be superior to horrendous choices.
Believe me when I say there will be an entire kingdom full of awful
pay schedules among a few knights in shining armor. Oddly, I find the
better games underplayed in most Midwest casinos, so it’s not too
difficult to find an empty seat at the best video poker banks in the
house.
Those willing to mix comps,
discounts, good pay schedules, correct game strategy and the value of
a free-wheeling night out are sure to find much to their liking in
local casinos.
So it’s off to the land of Midwest
gaming in search of video poker kings.
One-Eyed Video Poker: Honestly, most
people gamble for pleasure and expect the casino to come out ahead in
the long run. They want to have a good time and would like to play for
a few hours instead of heading home shortly after their arrival. So
make sure you go in with your eyes (both of them) wide open and a
heavy dose of reality as your playing foundation. Your objective is to
find the best video poker game available in the casino you’ve chosen
to visit.
You may want to play 9/6 Jacks or
Better, for example, but 8/5 Progressive Jacks or Better may be king
in the land you’re visiting. If you really enjoy an evening out and
want to play video poker, it’s important to have realistic
expectations. It’s illogical to think casinos can remain in business
while everybody walks out with bulging pockets. However, you can still
have a razor’s edge over the casino by counting both cash and
personally valued comps. You must, however, focus on perks that won’t
be too costly to the casino.
Big Bang for Sports Fans: If you’ve
been to a professional football or basketball game lately you already
know it’s an expensive venture. Costly game tickets, over-priced
stadium food, and high parking fees add up to a few hundred dollars.
Instead, you can go to the sports bar (or any area with TV monitors)
in your local casino and enjoy inexpensive food specials (get on their
mailing list for details) while viewing the action on a large-screen.
If you play video poker during the game it probably still won’t cost
as much as seeing it live would have. Best of all there’s always the
chance that you’ll either break even or win.
Monday night footballers, get rowdy
while swilling beer from a large-cushioned front row seat at a
reasonable price. All this without the hassle of large stadium crowds
or the clean-up mess if you invite the group to your house.
Comps and Discounts: Experts used to
say the comps and other perks, including discounts, were just gravy
rather than part of the main course. Times have changed. The good news
is that even low-rollers are eligible for discounts and often comps as
well. Look for offers that you value but are not a big expense for the
casino. An example of these would be comps in house-owned restaurants
and gift shops, tickets to shows that haven’t sold out, and discounts
on rooms (ask for casino rate). In fact, your odds of receiving
discretionary perks (those not deducted from your comp balance) are
better if you request something you value but will be a low cost to
the casino.
Pay Schedules: A while back I skimmed
a forum discussion on whether “paytables really matter to 99% of video
poker players.” The 99% figure quoted was probably hyperbole; however,
it’s a certainty that the overwhelming majority of players are just
lost when it comes to simply checking the pay schedules before
depositing money into a machine. Even in Vegas I’ve noticed most
people don’t bother to glance at the payouts so you’ll see no
difference in the number of players at full-pay versus downgraded
machines. It’s the very reason why you find people choosing the 8/6
JOB game instead of the 9/6 JOB version right next to it.
Unfortunately, management teams
observe this and assume it’s okay to remove all good plays. Even
though it appears logical, that’s not at all the case. The reason is,
people do notice how fast their bankroll disappears and these same
uninformed players start claiming the machines are “rigged” or
“tight.” Over time there are even fewer gamblers on the casino floor
and the vicious cycle repeats itself. Downgrading, followed by fewer
patrons. Neither casinos nor players benefit from the empty house
syndrome.
The importance of pay schedules to
both management and gamblers was brought home to me after a recent
visit to an out-of-the way Vegas casino. The establishment had devices
with excellent pay schedules when they first opened their doors, and a
huge crowd of players as well. In fact, it was a Vegas hot spot in
spite of its off the beaten path location. The casino, however,
continued to decimate their playable video poker inventory until the
only game left was 8/5 Bonus Poker (8/5 BP) with a 99.17% ER. Not bad,
but also not a reason to travel so far south of the Strip. In addition
to dramatically changing their pay schedules, the house eliminated the
free buffet sign-up bonuses.
When I arrived to check out this
much-lauded casino there were practically no players at either the
tables or machines. The emissary must have had a swift white steed for
word to spread so quickly.
Management: Casino brass needs to be
far-sighted and realize it’s unreasonable to expect frequent players
to keep returning after repeated drubbings at their establishment.
Patrons will eventually find a new haunt. My dad used to warn, “never
go to a restaurant that has an empty parking lot” and I think the same
reasoning applies to casinos.
Players: People must become more
educated about paytables and completely avoid the truly awful ones. If
nobody plays 6/5 or 7/5 JOB they’ll be upgraded to at least an 8/5
JOB, or just gather dust. Number crunchers understand the value of
sheer volume, even when the house’s edge is small. It wouldn’t hurt
them to throw in a few 9/6 JOBs (99.54% ER), especially given that
very few play close to computer-perfect. Players should accept that
machines with better pay schedules may not award cash back on their
slot cards.
Advice You Can Rely On: Casinos are
filled with people offering both solicited and unsolicited advice.
Sometimes you’re given invaluable and time-saving information while
other times it’s just snake oil. Here are some guidelines.
Finding a Game: If you’re not a local
you can spend a lot of time looking for the best pay schedules
available in a casino. However, you may get lucky and find savvy
locals who can direct you to machines with the highest expected
returns (ERs). How can you tell who’s in the know? One way is to note
whether they use the correct game name. For example, those who refer
to Not-So-Ugly Deuces, Illinois Deuces or Full Pay Deuces are more
reliable than those calling them just Deuces Wild. Also, when locals
refer to 8/5 or 9/6 Jacks or Better Progressives, you should pay
attention to both the location as well as the amount of the
progressive jackpot.
Playing the Game: It’s wise to be
especially wary of strategy advice that sounds kooky. For example, if
somebody tells you a certain machine deals a lot of aces or any other
rank, their advise is suspect. There is a random number generator (RNG)
creating an equal chance for all cards in the virtual deck to appear.
Even if they seem to know what they’re talking about, you should ask
if they practice on tutorial software. If the person looks at you like
you’re from Mars, then politely ignore what they tell you. Either use
the strategy you’ve practiced at home or a strategy card you’ve
brought with you.
Software: Definitely use strategy
cards for tough plays. (Free strategy cards for the eight best video
poker games are in the back of my book “The Video Poker Edge.”)
Although you will be able to quickly locate any dealt hand with my
cards during casino play, you will still want to know the basics
before you leave home. The best way to do that is by practicing at
home on one of the excellent tutorial programs on the market. Make
sure it has teaching features and it’s not just an entertainment
program. I consider the best one to be Dean Zamzow’s WinPoker for
several reasons. It’s easy to use, the “bugs” are long-gone, and he
incorporates 100% perfect-play as the model. Others are also very
good, like Optimum Play, VP for Winners and Frugal VP. You should
devote as much time as you can to the two or three games you want to
play at the casino before you leave home. If you’re participating in a
tournament, phone the organizers to get the pay schedule in advance
and then set WinPoker to the same exact schedule selecting the
learning mode best for you.
Games: If you’re there to have fun
then you’ll want to play more than one video poker game. However, I
suggest that you limit it to just two or three per casino trip. More
than that and you’re going to make some costly mistakes. You will find
detailed information for all recommended games by checking out Midwest
Gaming & Travel’s video poker archives at
www.midwestgamingandtravel.com.
Jacks or Better (JOB ): You should
practice the basics for this game for a number of reasons. First of
all, some version is available in virtually every Midwest casino. It
will either be called “Jacks or Better” or “Draw Poker,” same game.
You can earn a lot of slot club points for cash and comps and increase
the probability of playing a long time on your bankroll. That’s
because it’s a relatively low-risk (variance) game. You will have a
return of double your wager for two pair, a frequent hand. Be very
careful to check out pay schedules beforehand since there are many
versions of this popular game. The differences are normally with the
full-house and flush hands, thus the various names. 9/6 JOB, for
example, returns nine times your bet for a full-house and six times
your bet for a flush; 8/5 JOB only returns eight times your bet for a
full house and five times your bet for a flush. The other winning
hands typically pay the same for all JOB games. I did say typically
because once in a blue moon you’ll find a JOB game that only returns
even money instead of double the bet for two pair. That’s why you must
carefully check the entire paytable in advance.
If you find only 7/5 or 6/5 JOB pay
schedules you should look for another game. Even if it’s 8/5 JOB I
wouldn’t play if it’s not a progressive bank. Most casinos do have 8/5
JOB progressives.
Bonus Poker (BP): 8/5 BP is the best
version you’re likely to find with an ER of 99.17%. This game is more
exciting than JOB but not too risky to your bankroll, since it returns
double your bet for two pair. To compensate it pays one coin less than
9/6 JOB for both the full house and flush. There are some pseudo BP
games finding their way into casinos so you must check to be sure
you’re receiving double the wager for two pair. The game strategy is
relatively intuitive and easy to learn, especially if you practice in
advance.
Double-Double Bonus Poker (DDBP):
Look for 9/6 DDB with an ER of 98.98%, although you might get lucky
and find a 10/6 DDB with an ER of 100.07%. This is the most addictive
video poker game because it’s a real high to receive a 2,000-coin
return for four aces with a kicker (2, 3, or 4) or even an 800-coin
return for four twos, threes or fours with a kicker (ace, 2, 3,or 4).
Beware, though, of the potential expense and urge to visit the ATM.
Deuces Wild: There are dozens of
deuces games with a variety of pay schedules. I have written
extensively about the best versions of this game and recommend that
you check the MWGT archives for the two-part Duelin’ Deuces series.
There are major strategy differences with frequently dealt hands, like
two pair, that apply. Some so-called “coyote ugly” versions will be on
the casino floor and are to be avoided. The good news is that Illinois
Deuces can be found in many Midwest casinos, not just Illinois, and
often in high denominations and with a progressive format. The fact
that you receive one coin per bet less for a straight flush and fivers
(five of a kind) is compensated for when the progressive royal gets to
6,000 coins. Specifically, Not-So-Ugly-Deuces (NSUD), highly
recommended, has an ER of 99.73% while Illinois Deuces (ID) has a
return of 99.88% once the royal gets to 6,000 coins. Unlike NSUD, ID
is typically included in both special promotions as well as awarded
full points for slot club cash. The progressive version of ID is,
however, more volatile since much of the ER requires a long-shot
royal.
Final Thoughts: The majority of
players go to a casino to have a good time and are willing to accept
some downgrading in view of the current economy. Whether it’s the
dealer hitting a soft 17 in blackjack or video poker machines offering
only 8/5 Jacks or Better, the house may slightly increase its edge.
Successful casino operators
understand they have to be reasonable to stay in business. 6/5 or even
money blackjack tables, for example, aren’t acceptable and even blind
court jesters will eventually see the light. The same principle holds
true for video poker games; that’s why 6/5 JOB machines should be
forever banished. If you’re a smart video poker player you’ll hunt for
the devices with the highest theoretical returns. Video poker one-eyed
kings are all over the Midwest, but gamblers will have to take some
time to search the land in order to find them.
— Linda Boyd, a long-time table game
player before turning to video poker, writes for many gaming
publications. Her book, The Video Poker Edge, includes free removable
pay schedules and her free strategy cards for the most popular games.
Available at amazon.com, bookstores or
www.squareonepublishers.com.
